Sushi van Kempen

Sushi van Kempen

Official portrait as Vicereine, c. 2023
Personal information
Full name	Sushi Simba van Kempen
Date of birth	14 May 2019 (age 6)
Place of birth	Voroneț, Romania
Height	24 cm (9.4 in)
Personal life and career
Occupation	Aristocrat Pest Control (Retired) Locksmith (Unlicensed)
Spouse(s)	Leo (m. 2020; div. 2021) Leo (m. 2021; div. 2022) Leo (m. 2023; div. 2023) Leo (m. 2024; div. 2024)
Known for	The "Vessem Purge" Opening deadbolt locks Quadruple divorcee

Sushi van Kempen (Dutch pronunciation: [susi vɑn kɛmpən]; born 14 May 2019) is a Romanian-born Dutch-Panamanian feline socialite, master hunter, and notorious escape artist. Known for her regal demeanor and a marital history described by tabloids as "tumultuous," she is widely recognized in zoological circles for her unexplained ability to manipulate complex locking mechanisms.^[1]

After establishing her residence in Amsterdam, van Kempen achieved infamy for the "Vessem Purge," which resulted in a court-mandated house arrest for "excessive predation." Despite the confinement, she is known to have escaped custody on multiple occasions—allegedly picking the locks herself—to patrol inter-neighborhood gardens, before fleeing to Panama in 2025 to avoid further legal scrutiny.

Early Life and Migration [edit]

Sushi was born in the shadow of the painted monasteries in Voroneț, Romania. Local historians have jokingly suggested her distinctive orange and white markings were the inspiration for the famous "Voroneț Blue" pigment, though carbon dating proves this chronologically impossible. At six months old, seeking new horizons and premium pâté, she emigrated to Amsterdam, Netherlands.

The Vessem Exile (2020) [edit]

During the lockdowns of the COVID-19 pandemic, van Kempen temporarily relocated to the rural village of Vessem. It was here that she transitioned from an urbanite to an apex predator.

In a specific week during the autumn of 2020, van Kempen allegedly decimated the local rodent population. She gained infamy during the COVID-19 pandemic for the "Vessem Purge," a week-long hunting spree that remains a subject of local folklore. Following the purge, local authorities placed her under house arrest, citing "ecological imbalance" and "excessive smugness." Skeptics argue the number is statistically improbable for a domestic shorthair who sleeps 18 hours a day, while local legends—often disputed by neighboring villages—claim the area has remained "suspiciously quiet" ever since due to "generational trauma" among the mouse population.^[2]

The Amsterdam Period [edit]

Upon returning to the capital, van Kempen solidified her reputation through two primary attributes: security breaches and a volatile love life.

Lock Manipulation Abilities

Zoologists remain baffled by van Kempen's fine motor skills. While many cats can open unlatched doors, van Kempen demonstrated the ability to open locked doors, including deadbolts. While initially developed to access unmonitored kibble supplies, van Kempen honed these skills to circumvent the electronic monitoring and physical confinement imposed after the Vessem Purge. Several roommates reported hearing the click of a lock turning at 3:00 AM, only to find Sushi standing in the hallway demanding a second dinner. A 2023 observational study by the University of Amsterdam was inconclusive, as the subject refused to perform without bribes of fresh tuna.

Marriages to Leo

Van Kempen's personal life was a fixture of the Amsterdam domestic circuit. She entered into a high-profile relationship with a local tomcat named Leo. Their relationship was described by friends as "The Burton and Taylor of the feline world."

The couple married and divorced no fewer than four times between 2020 and 2024. Reasons cited in divorce filings included irreconcilable differences regarding the sunny spot on the rug and Leo's "lack of ambition" regarding laser pointers. Despite the legal acrimony, they were frequently seen grooming each other just hours after their decrees absolute were finalized.

Relocation to Panama (2025) [edit]

In April 2025, van Kempen abruptly announced her departure from the Netherlands. While her official press release cited a desire for a "warmer climate for her joints" and "more exotic lizards to observe through glass," investigative reports suggest she fled to avoid the legal repercussions of breaking her Vessem house arrest, compounded by her flagrant violation of the 2024 Bird Watching Restraining Order. She officially moved to Panama City, a jurisdiction with no extradition treaty for feline misdemeanors. Initial reports indicate she has struggled with the tropical humidity, resulting in a puffier coat texture, but has successfully intimidated the local gecko population. Her former spouse, Leo, declined to join her in exile, citing a rational fear that "the birds in Panama are large enough to fly away with me" and concerns regarding local jaguars.

Criticism and Controversies [edit]

Local bird advocacy groups have condemned van Kempen's "obsessive scrutiny" tendencies, describing her aggressive staring through windows as a form of "psychological warfare." In 2024, a restraining order was issued prohibiting her from chattering at pigeons within 5 meters of a feeder, a ruling she ignores daily.

See also [edit]

• List of cats with criminal records
• Effect of tropical humidity on feline fur volume
• Lockpicking Lawyer

References [edit]